I have never written anything that’s just impromptu. Tangential. Every piece I have written previously spent a lot of time being groomed in MS Word until they were ready for the internet. But this is different. I have had this great itch to write something, anything, for the past few days. Today I have had a few drinks, and I just started writing this post. I don’t even know what I am going to write about in the next couple of paragraphs.
I get restless when I don’t write. I want to write something. Anything. But more often than not, my thoughts are just too random to put into words. I need to be able to streamline my ideas and come up with a cohesive chain of thoughts which I can expand upon.
Sometimes I start writing some stories but lose interest in the plot midway and stop it altogether. When I revisit the story after a while, I’m often surprised to find that the plot was good, the story was coming along very well, but I had just lost interest. That’s my problem. Nothing truly keeps me occupied and engaged for a length of time. I get bored easily. If I do not get excited about a certain work/game/hobby, I just stop doing it. Often, I am in the middle of a work or something I started because it interested me, but then I lose interest and start doing something new, or something I previously left unfinished. I need to learn to power through stuff and complete them even after I lose interest.
Phew! It feels good to be able put all this down somewhere. It feels good to have written something. It feels good to let go of some of my pent up emotions that I have carried for so long. Like director Sukumar said, “zero emotions, zero enemies”.
“I am definitely going to do this first thing tomorrow “. “I don’t feel like it today, but I will definitely start tomorrow”
These are the two most common lines that I repeat to myself. I very religiously recite them everyday, without fail. Whenever there is an important work to be done, I get all excited and enthusiastic about it at first. I make plans, I draw up deadlines. I start building castles in the air. “I am going to do this and this. That is a tricky part but this is trivial so I can manage”. But then arrives procrastination the great and within seconds destroys all the beautiful castles I had built and occupies the huge barren land that is my brain. Now this procrastination, it is a cunning ruler. Once it occupies a territory, it brings its subjects under a spell that makes them want to be ruled by it forever. The spell makes its subjects believe that if it rules long enough, then it will lead to a new era called Tomorrow-where everything will be better and easier. In the meantime, under the influence of the spell, the subjects all become completely idle, doing nothing. The great river thoughts starts to dry up, and the idea plants, which had just started flowering, begin to wither away. After a while, the subjects realise what is happening and try very hard to break the spell but their strength is not sufficient to overcome the great king’s spell. Just then, arrives a mysterious person from the feared land of deadline, bearing with him a powerful weapon-last minute madness. With this weapon, the subjects successfully defeat the tyrant and the land starts living and functioning again. (Here, it is interesting to note that the promised land of Tomorrow was realised once the king was defeated.)
And that is basically how I get anything done. Every single time. In fact, this is exactly what happened when I decided to write this blog. This blog was conceived about four months prior to this post but it took me three months to actually start a blog and another month to start writing the actual post. And now that it is finally done, I can procrastinate in peace for my second post.